i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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