my mouth tastes like poor choices
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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