Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i need to put some appletini on your dick
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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