last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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