on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
