Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
