what day is it and did you see me today?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
3 2 1 whiskey
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
