You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
