No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
