Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
