It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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