I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
