oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
