he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
