He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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