I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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