Will you blow on my dice?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
