2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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