Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
