In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
