ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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