dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
