You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
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Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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