yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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