Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
