Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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