Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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