OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
