Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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