I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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