all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
