Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
