Can i not drive my cunt home
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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