walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
