first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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