There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
