So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
40s are totally the cure
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
