Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have feelings that need drinking.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
