I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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