spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
