Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
two words: eviction party
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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