I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
