3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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