I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
