i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize