How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
