Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
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Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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