look no pants
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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