he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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