the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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