I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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