i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
