I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
