There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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