no, he came in my armpit
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
