First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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