i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
