after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dick very happy bro
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
