i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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