am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
