it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
