i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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