she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
