I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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