I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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