i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
