In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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