I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
