you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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