I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
