Got a toothbrush?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
