I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
