Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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