if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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