I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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