she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
