I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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