Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
