Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
