I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
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drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I love you. Go after that dick
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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