he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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