My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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