You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
