he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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